11/11/09

news report (television)

"A Lancashire woman was hospitalized earlier today with a burrowing mass of snakes in her 
chest. No, this isn't a scene from a horror story, but rather a fluke accident. The cornworm 
(cornwyrm) is an exotic pet marsupial, imported from the island of Java. In the wild, 
cornworm "pups" as they are known will burrow into the mother's protective pouch shortly 
after hatching. (cut to diagram of cornworm anatomy) Apparently, the family's live-in 
grandmother was mistaken as the mother by the newborn animals, and they took refuge in her 
left lung. (slow zoom into of newborn pups, a black slimy mass of flukes) (cut to interview 
with mother of the family)

"I came home from work and grandma said she had a tugging feeling at her chest. I saw the egg 
sac on the floor and knew immediately what had happened. We didn't even know she was 
pregnant, I thought it was just fat." (pan across carpeted floor with television still 
playing, deflated white object like a beanbag, gray sofa)

"Hospital officials say the woman will recover quickly."

I turned off the tube with the remote. My cornworm was lying on his back, stretched across my 
tummy and chest. They're so ticklish. Grab their soft warm belly with your fingers and they 
squirm and ripple all over, the hundred thumb-like projections covering their legless body 
digging in to whatever is around them. They use these appendages to chase animals like 
rabbits into their burrows. Most pet cornworms are small, the size of a large cat or small 
dog, but mine is almost ten feet long, including the flippered tail. He is getting old; the 
normally pink skin is flecked with dark purple, his eyebrows and the lynx-like hair tufts on 
his ears are completely white, and his eyes have turned blue. The eyes. Dragon eyes. People 
probably buy cornworms for the eyes. Between the mane of appendages surrounding the neck and 
their fox-like toothy snout tipped with a small flat pig nose (complete with a single horn, 
which we have trimmed for safety) one could easily mistake it for the face of a dragon, if 
not for the cat ears.