If a program is useless, it must be documented.
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. -- Thomas A. Edison
"Keep it confused. Feed it with useless information. I wonder if I have a television set handy?" -- Doctor Who, 1967
Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm)
SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
Useless Invention: AC adapter for solar calculators.
Useless Invention: A freezer for Eskimos.
Useless Invention: Air-Bag for a motorcycle.
Useless Invention: Anklet wristwatches for contortionists.
Useless Invention: Avalanche prevention goggles.
Useless Invention: Battery-operated nuclear power plants.
Useless Invention: Battery powered battery charger.
Useless Invention: Blinker Fluid.
Useless Invention: Braille Drivers' Manual
Useless Invention: Braille toilet paper.
Useless Invention: Braille TV guide.
Useless Invention: Braille TV remote control.
Useless Invention: Brake oil.
Useless Invention: Breathable space suit.
Useless Invention: Brown undershorts.
Useless Invention: Caffeine-free Diet Coke.
Useless Invention: Camcorder with braile-encoded buttons.
Useless Invention: Candy bars with stannous fluoride added.
Useless Invention: Cast iron wire.
Useless Invention: Cat flap for the fridge.
Useless Invention: Checkered paint.
Useless Invention: Combs for bald-heads.
Useless Invention: Condoms for misogynists.
Useless Invention: Cordless plumb line.
Useless Invention: Dehydrated water.
Useless Invention: Diet celery.
Useless Invention: Digital clock-winder.
Useless Invention: Double-sided playing cards.
Useless Invention: Downhill stairmaster.
Useless Invention: Ejector seats for helicopters.
Useless Invention: Electric banana straightener.
Useless Invention: Electric dog polisher.
Useless Invention: Fat-free Twinkies.
Useless Invention: Felt Jumper cables.
Useless Invention: Fine glass-crystal castanets.
Useless Invention: Fireproof cigarettes.
Useless Invention: Fireproof kindling.
Useless Invention: Fireproof matches.
Useless Invention: Flame-retardant gasoline.
Useless Invention: Flashbulb tester.
Useless Invention: Flavoured suppositories.
Useless Invention: Foam rubber toothpicks.
Useless Invention: Freeze Dried Water.
Useless Invention: Frictionless Sandpaper.
Useless Invention: Fur sink.
Useless Invention: Hand-powered chainsaw.
Useless Invention: How-to cassettes for the deaf.
Useless Invention: Ice skate sandals, for use in hot climates.
Useless Invention: Inflatable anchor.
Useless Invention: Inflatable darts-board.
Useless Invention: Inflatable PC -- The Ultimate Laptop!
Useless Invention: Kickstand for a tank.
Useless Invention: Laundromat in a nudist colony.
Useless Invention: Leather cutlery.
Useless Invention: Lie detectors for politicians.
Useless Invention: Low-calorie PowerBar.
Useless Invention: Low salt brine.
Useless Invention: Luminous sun-dial, for use at night.
Useless Invention: Matte finish floor wax.
Useless Invention: Mesh raincoat.
Useless Invention: Micro-miniature personal vibrator.
Useless Invention: Money with negative face value.
Useless Invention: Motorcycle seat-belts.
Useless Invention: Muffler Bearings.
Useless Invention: Non-stick Cellotape.
Useless Invention: Open Toed Safety Shoes.
Useless Invention: Papier mache step ladder.
Useless Invention: Particle board tent stakes.
Useless Invention: Reduced calorie water.
Useless Invention: Remote control for a computer.
Useless Invention: Reversible garbage disposal.
Useless Invention: Rollerblade skates for peglegs.
Useless Invention: Rubber Kleenex.
Useless Invention: Screen door on a submarine.
Useless Invention: Second-hand fireworks.
Useless Invention: Self stick frying pan.
Useless Invention: Soap Dissolver.
Useless Invention: Solar powered flashlight.
Useless Invention: Solar powered night light.
Useless Invention: Steel-belted radial rubber bands.
Useless Invention: Strap-on portable chairs.
Useless Invention: Sugar coated insulin.
Useless Invention: Sundial with glow in the dark markings.
Useless Invention: Tire chains for motorcycles.
Useless Invention: Trailer hitch for the Honda CVCC.
Useless Invention: Training wheels for timid sports car drivers.
Useless Invention: Umbrella with a skylight.
Useless Invention: Unsinkable submarine.
Useless Invention: Waterproof sponge.
Useless Invention: Waterproof teabags.
Useless Invention: Waterproof toilet paper.
When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld