Northpole Standoff - addendum

That's not how it happened at all. I was there, and this is what went on:

• 8:00 F.B.I agents pull up to the front door.
• 8:01 F.B.I agents (disguised as a Christian aid organization) knocked on the front door (approx. 5 times).
• 8:02 Mrs.Claus opens the door. The fun begins.
• 8:03 Roof mounted snipers dispatched 27 elves in a space of 3 minutes. They fired round after round of hollow tipped ammunition into the cheery little souls, splattering the walls with soft pink entrails.
• 8:06 Agents rummage through the house, and read Santa his rights while he sits helplessly on the toilet. Mrs.Claus is lying face down in the snow, blood dripping from the 197 holes now ventilating her body.
• 8:07 All survivors are rounding up and treated to a body cavity search in front of a full camera crew.
• 8:08 The body searching takes a temporary break....
• 8:09 But begins again with renewed fever.
• 8:10 Santa's poor, red ringpiece burns like a hot penny. He'll never sit again.

And that's the way it happened. Honest. No really. Would I tell a lie?